Toxic People

What is a toxic person? Unfortunately, they may be all around you, or even worse, you may be one. Toxic people consistently drag others down, making people feel worse about themselves for apparently no other reason than the satisfaction of doing so, and they may be overly needy, not caring about anyone other than themselves.

The first question to ask yourself is - do I make others feel better or worse after spending time with them? You might also turn it around and ask the same question regarding friends, family, and others in your life. How do you feel after being with certain individuals? If you find you have always felt worse, then it may be you know someone with a toxic personality.

If you take time to look at yourself, honestly assessing your effect on others, and find you constantly bring other people down, then you might be a toxic person. If you have the forthrightness and courage to own up to it, and actually regret hurting people, then you are to be admired. You are to be applauded even more if you're willing to correct yourself in order to become an uplifting, positive individual, and work toward that end!

A toxic person isn't to be confused with those who just have a bad week and temporarily cause upsets, nor are they simply fair weather friends who back off when storm clouds pop up over the horizon. While the latter may not be the best of friends, generally, they don't mean to do others harm. They just don't want to take on more problems - yours or anyone else's. Other than their ducking for cover, they're good to spend time with in pleasant conversation or on fun outings, and you can walk away afterwards feeling as though you've had a good time.

On the other hand, after being with a toxic person, you may feel badly about yourself, angry, and experience a multitude of other negative emotions. In short, you may come away wishing that you hadn't seen that person at all, and sadly this can happen with casual friends and acquaintances, and with those whom you've somehow come to love!

What to do should you realize you've been keeping company with a toxic person? The best advice is to distance yourself from them even though it may pain you to do so. If you can't find it within yourself to part with them, then you could be in for a future of low self-esteem, anger, and hurt feelings among other things. If the toxic person is someone very special to you, your relationship with them may well be an ongoing heartache full of constant yearnings of acceptance, approval, and generally wishing for returned love that never comes.

You then need to ask yourself, which is the lesser of two evils? Is it better to suffer the pain of giving up and walking away once and for all, or to hang onto the constant anguish and heartache? The initial pain of leaving usually lessens in time, where remaining in the company of a toxic person keeps tearing at open wounds as long as you're with them.

What should you do if you realize you're a toxic person? Begin analyzing what it is you do and say that upsets other people, and learn to bridle your actions and words. Put yourself in other's shoes and ask yourself if you'd like to be treated as you are treating them? If you don't correct your behavior, you may end up a sad, lonely person once others tune into the fact you continually hurt them and make them unhappy.

I am writing this out of personal experience, as I have actually walked the walk. I had to go so far as to give up my older brother - 12 years older, to be more exact. In all honesty, I can say I always adored him, and even writing this is harder than you know. I loved him with every fiber of my being, and beneath all the pain he's caused, I still do, but I had to put distance between him and myself.

It took me many years to realize the terrible effect he had on me whenever I was around him. As the old saying goes, "Love is blind." He was friendly, but condescending at the same time. He said and did subtle things that cut to the core and he seemed to take pleasure in them. In short, he delighted in making me feel less, and himself more, at my expense.

For years I refused to give up on him, and kept bouncing back much as a friendly puppy might after being kicked, only hoping for acceptance and perhaps an occasional pat on the head. I let him know how much I cared for him, and was given another kick each time.

The end came during a phone conversation when he told me, "You were considered an interloper." He was referring to my being born into the family. That, and his remark that the only reason Mom and Dad had me was because they were having marital problems and Dad was trying to make sure Mom wouldn't leave him, were the final straws.

There is only so much a person can take - only so much a person can bounce back from, and he hit my limit. Where I'm certain he expected me to continue chasing after him, I haven't. Yes, it hurts to think I may never see my brother again though he lives only 60 miles away, but the many years of pain from his emotional barbs needed to end.

His toxic ways have robbed him of getting to know his nieces and nephews. Though they are adults living as neighbors near my husband and me, they, too, shy away from him knowing his nature. He has also denied himself the privilege and pleasure of knowing his great-nieces and nephews, some of whom he's never laid eyes on though we all live within an hour's drive of his home. Interestingly, he hasn't visited us either, though the highway runs both ways.

Now, another question comes to mind. What should you do if someone you know has a toxic person in their life, and it's bothering you to see them brought low by that individual?

Usually, the worst thing you can do is speak against the toxic person. As with many of us, it may well be your friend's nature to defend them, making excuses for him or her, and even may expect them to change, which is most doubtful. To deride toxic individuals to others will hardly ever set well, and may spoil any positive influence you might have.

It is my opinion that the best stance is to be there for them, and though not easy at times, be a good listener. Let them talk about their toxic friend, family member, or whomever, and the negative effects they are experiencing.

Once it's clear that they are indeed in a toxic relationship, it might help to indirectly teach them about such people. By indirectly, I mean simply present the information to give them the necessary skills to identify the signs and symptoms of toxic behavior, and the effects they have on others. This may be done through personal experience as I'm doing here, or through experiences of other people. You might even bring up the topic during a general conversation by telling them you read an interesting article about it. Done properly, it will in no way point an accusing finger at the toxic person in question, but will hopefully enable the victim to recognize what is happening in their own relationship and allow them to make educated decisions as to how best to deal with it.

It is my sincere hope that should you find you are a toxic person, you will reconsider your actions not only for the sake of those around you, but for your own benefit as well. And I also hope for the rest of you, that you're spared the pain of toxic relationships, though they aren't uncommon. Either way, whether you are a toxic person, or are the victim of one, understanding is the beginning of change.

Wardrobe Hints for the Stouter Figure

Is your figure a little on the stout side? If so, here are a few hints to help you choose the right styles and colors of clothing and jewlry to enhance your appearance!

Color and fabric texture are two of the key issues when considering dressing according to your body's size and shape. As a general rule, light and bright colors make one look larger, while dark ones diminish the appearance of size. At the same time, shiny fabrics such as satin also add the impression of extra weight, while fabrics with a dull finish such as crepe, do not. A heavier person would also do well to stay away from clingy fabrics, and those that are bulky.

Selecting clothing styles is also important. For the stouter figure, choose clothing with vertical lines such as dresses with center panels, or with a row of buttons down the front, for example. Long, flowing lines such as princess style dresses are also good if they don't fit too tightly.

Stay away from two piece dresses, skirts with all-around pleats or gathers, wide gores, or peplums, and wide or contrasting belts. Avoid styles that cut you in half such as blouses that contrast with skirts or pants, and if you must wear them, wear a jacket that matches the lower part of your outfit to enhance the look of length from shoulder to hem. Also avoid puff sleeves, droopy sleeves, or ones that are tightly fitted. Choose V necklines and pointed collars while avoiding round ones.

As to fabric patterns and trims, larger people should avoid large prints and those with curved lines. Stripes are good, but be certain they run vertically. Diagonal stripes are acceptable if they are used sparingly perhaps for contrasting pockets, for example.

One might consider wearing colorful jewelry, a scarf, or other accessory at or near the neckline to bring attention to the face. When choosing necklaces, chokers are a poor choice for the stout figure, as are round, button earrings. Just as with the clothing, the jewelry should enhance the idea of length, not breadth. The same applies for hairstyles and hats. They should add to one's height, rather than diminish it, as should the choice in shoes. Select styles with heels for added height.

A well chosen wardrobe can boost a person's appearance and self-esteem no matter whether they are thin or stout. It's a matter of being in the know, and selecting the right colors, fabrics, and styles.

Makeup Techniques for Different Face Shapes

In reality, each person has her own individual needs in the way of makeup. Not only do we differ in skin tones making proper color choices a concern, but faces vary in shape as well, from oval, to square, to round. This article provides tips on applying makeup to enhance each shape. Keep in mind that light and bright colors tend to make things more pronounced, while darker and subdued colors minimize.

Techniques for applying make-up vary for different shapes of faces, such as oval, round, or square. The oval is considered the most desirable shape, and make-up should be applied in such a way as to make one's face appear more oval. Listed below are face shapes and hints for applying make-up to help achieve this.

The ideal oval face is approximately three-fourths as wide as it's length.

For the oval face, apply blush to the center of the cheeks then blend it up over the cheekbone toward the temple. Apply eye shadow to the eyelid from inner to outer corner. Follow the natural line of the eyebrows while applying eyebrow pencil, and the natural contour of the lips with lipstick.

The round face is usually wider in proportion to it's length than the oval face, and has a rounded chin and hairline.

The roundness of the jaw may be shaded out with a slightly darker foundation makeup than what is applied to the rest of the face. The brow should be arched in an angular fashion, similar to an inverted V. This will add angularity to the face, and because the round face doesn't need added width, keep the brows fairly short. Angle the eye shadow toward the end of the brow for the same reason. Apply blush toward the center of the cheek, and with lipstick, shape your mouth widely and fully, using straight lines.

The square face has relatively straight lines with a straight forehead, hairline, and angular jaw.

Minimize the jaw line with slightly darker foundation makeup than is applied to the rest of the face. As to eyebrows, length adds width to the face and curved brows will minimize the straight lines. Eye shadow may be applied to give the eye an upward slant. Apply shadow close to the eye just above the lashes on the inner eye, then bringing it up toward the temples. Don't overdo it, though. The mouth should be full and round, the corners coming to a point just below the pupil of the eye.

The long face has relatively straight lines and has greater length in proportion to the width. It is long and narrow.

To minimize a the length of the long face, the eye area should be made as broad as possible. A curved eyebrow ending beyond the outer corner of the eye will help achieve this. Blush should be applied not to the center of the cheek, but farther away from the center of the face on the cheekbone and blended out and up to the temple. The emphasis of eye shadow should also be as far from the nose as possible, being applied more heavily at the outer corner of the lid. Lips should be nicely rounded with lipstick, coming to the natural corners.

The heart-shaped face has a wide forehead and a pointed, narrow chin.

The appearance of the width of the forehead may be reduced by applying a darker shade of foundation to the temple area from the hairline, to one half inch in on the front of the brow. If the forehead protrudes, the darker foundation may be applied to the entire forehead. Darker foundation may also be applied horizontally across the tip of the chin if the chin is long and well pointed. Eyebrows should be roundly arched instead of pointed. To make the angle of the brow pointed, would repeat the pointed chin, bringing emphasis to it. Eye shadow should emphasize the whole eye. Blush should be applied under the middle of the eye and blended out onto the cheekbone. The lower lip should be straight across the bottom between the two spots directly below the nostrils. Round the upper lip softly.

The triangular face has a jaw that is wider than the forehead.

Shade out the wide jaw with darker foundation than what is applied to the rest of the face. An eyebrow that is arched with it's highest point slightly outside the iris of the eye will add width to the narrow forehead, as will extending the outer ends of the brows slightly past the imaginary line drawn from the nostril to the corner of the eye. If blush is applied about one half inch from under the hairline it will add brow width where it is needed to offset the wide jaw. Eye makeup is great for triangular faces as it draws attention to the eyes and away from the lower face. Eye shadow should be applied toward the outer third of the eye. Rounding the lower lip will minimize the wide jaw and making the upper lip slightly full will also help.

The diamond shaped face has a narrow forehead and a narrow chin. It has the effect of making the cheekbones appear too wide.

A straight eyebrow will lend more width to the forehead. Blush should be applied very high beneath the eye and smoothed out nearly to the hairline at the temple. It may also be applied to the forehead, for the effect of added width. Eye shadow should cover the outer third of the eyelid. Lips should be delicately rounded.

A look in the mirror may help you determine the shape of your face, and if in doubt, ask a family member or a good friend. That done, you may enjoy trying your hand at applying makeup according to the brief tips in this article.

Choosing the Right Makeup

Ladies, have you wondered what color makeup is right for the color of your complexion? Hints are listed below!

It is important to select the proper cosmetic colors to help enhance your natural beauty. To do this, one must determine their natural skin tone and use color accordingly. Be sure to examine your skin in natural light to achieve an accurate assessment. Below, is a list of skin tones, their basic qualities, along with suggestions for makeup to enhance them.

White complexion has very little color and may appear almost translucent, similar to porcelain. Those with light colored hair often are associated with white complexions. Since more color is needed, those with white complexions should use a foundation makeup that is a slightly darker tone than their natural skin. Powder should have a pink hue and be a shade lighter than the foundation. Blush should be pink or coral, instead of true red. Eyebrow pencil should be slightly darker than the hair, perhaps a light brown. Eye shadow should be pastel and compliment the clothing. Eyeliner is best reserved for evening, and black is not advised. Mascara may be dark brown. Lipstick should be of a similar hue to the blush, but a shade darker.

Cream complexion is a very desirable skin tone. It has an equal combination of yellow and red, with a touch of brown. The cream complexion needs little help in the way of foundation makeup. Choose a base that is colorless or matches your own skin tone, and a powder a shade lighter than the foundation. Blush should match the natural color of the cheeks and may be in the range of coral, pink, or red. If the eyebrows are too pale, use an eyebrow pencil slightly darker than the hair. Try choosing an eye shadow that matches your eyes, and otherwise keep the shades light. As to eye liner, match the eye shadow in a darker value, or for evening could be dark brown or black like the mascara.

Pink complexion is more red than yellow and is often found with red hair. It is a florid complexion and may look flushed if it is too pink. It needs it's intensity minimized by a foundation that is less pink than the skin, but not so much as to look unnatural. Oftentimes this skin type has freckles, and one might try finding a foundation that would blend with them. When using a powder, choose a beige tone, but not of a darker value than the foundation. Using blush and lipsticks with orange hues will do wonders to counteract the pinkness of the skin. Auburn is a good color for the eyebrows if one has red hair. Otherwise match the eyebrows to the hair color as closely as possible. A subdued, green eye shadow might be right for you, and eye liner would be best in a dark brown as would the mascara.

Golden complexion is what may be described as "sallow". It is over abundant in yellow and brown and may range from light to medium dark. The more fair the complexion, the less intense makeup colors should be. A beige foundation with a tone similar to the skin is recommended. Powder may be somewhat lighter than the foundation, and have a definite peach tone. Always use blush. With such a neutral complexion reds are in order for it as well as lipstick. Eyebrow pencil should be slightly darker than the natural brows if they are pale, and if not, should match them. Never wear brown eye shadow, but intense colors to match the eyes or the color of the clothes. Black eye liner should be worn in the evening. Colors of lipstick may include orange red, coral, or true red.

Tan complexion has a tendency to look muddy while wearing dark, dull colors such as navy blue, brown, or black. Use a foundation to match your skin tone. Don't try to lighten your skin with foundation, and stay with tan powder. Use coral and true red in the way of blush and lipsticks. If using eyebrow pencil, choose a color to match the eyebrows as closely as possible, but it would do well to avoid harsh black. Green or blue eye shadow would be a good choice for tan complexions but you might want to avoid brown and violet. Mascara should be black.

Olive complexion is usually combined with brown eyes and dark hair. The skin has almost a green undertone. It is better to select a colorless foundation than to change your own coloring, but you may need to lighten the area around your eyes. Powder should be peach instead of a true pink hue a little lighter than the skin. Always wear blush in a true red. Lipstick should be true red also, or an orange red. If eyebrow pencil is used, chose ebony or dark gray if you have black hair. Lighter shades of eye shadow will flatter, but avoid dark, intense ones. Unless your skin is dark, you may be able to wear black eye liner day or night, and mascara should be black.

Brown, Copper, or Ebony complexions may have underlying tones of red, tan, or copper. Choose a foundation to match the skin and a powder that is a shade lighter than the foundation. Blush should be subtle tones of coral, orange red, or true red. Irridecent eye shadows will brighten your eyelids. Eye liner should be black, as should the mascara. Eyebrow pencil should be a shade to match the hair.

In Memory of Our Husky Wolf

One cold, dark evening as my husband, David, three children, and I entered a parking lot in Wasilla, Alaska, we saw a man with a box of puppies. It was obvious he was looking for people to adopt them, and my husband and I knew we were silly to even go look since we had a soft heart for animals. But silly or not, we couldn't resist.

As we peered into the big carton, the man explained that he hated to give up the pups, but he was a sledder with dog team and couldn't afford to feed more animals. He told us the puppies were husky/wolf mix and we'd taken note that some of them had blue eyes.

One fluffy, gray pup came bounding over to our side of the box, leaped up toward us on her hind legs, her body language shouting, "Pick me! Pick me!" Before we knew it, she was in our arms licking our chins as we passed her around our family.

The man told us we'd picked his favorite, and he'd been calling her Star because of the white blaze on her forehead. We couldn't resist. We told the man we'd take her. He looked a bit sad upon letting her go, and so I assured him we'd take good care of her, and we would keep the name he'd given her. He wanted our phone number and we gladly gave it, and he gave us his. That was the beginning of 15 years of friendship with our husky/wolf.

She was a little nervous as a youngster and piddled on the floor in her excitement, but otherwise, we couldn't have asked for a better dog. Our house was almost always teaming with young people - neighborhood kids, our children's school friends, and later, after Star had grown out of her piddle problem, I took in regular babysitting as well.

There was never a question as to her love and loyalty with the exception of two people. They were adults that somehow made her uncomfortable, but her reaction was to lay down at a distance and watch them. In all the years we had her, she never threatened anyone, and in her doggy way, she let it be known she didn't like violence.

We had an older dog, Kiska, a Toy American Eskimo, when we adopted Star. One day the neighbor's German Shephard came into our yard and almost wiped up the ground with poor old Kiska, and when Star realized what was happening, she went balistic! From that day forth, any animal could roam into our yard without a fuss from Star, except for the German Shepherd from across the way.

Star gave us a few laughs, too. One day after we'd beached our canoe after a fun day at Seward, she wandered off a short distance to explore. A woman saw her on a rise several yards away, and the lady began calling in alarm to her husband that there was a wolf! It was then that Star loped down to us, and the woman's voice trailed off into nothing, and she and her husband went about their business as we chuckled to ourselves.

Another time, David took Star out cross country skiing in our neighborhood. They hadn't gone too terribly far before she decided she'd just as soon go home. My husband said that she stopped in the trail and nonchalantly looked up at the sky, then looked to one side, and then the other side, and watched some birds in the tree tops. If she could've rolled her eyes and whistled while she tried to look innocent, she probably would've. Then all at once she turned tail and ran for home!

Since we weren't ones to let our dogs run unsupervised, normally David would've been pretty unhappy, but this time her actions were so amuzing he couldn't help but laugh. She was a good girl, and came straight home so no real harm was done.

A few years after we'd adopted Star, Kiska passed away at the age of 16, and it was then Star became the number one dog in our family until her passing when she was 15 years old. She never, in all her adult years, disgraced herself. She was a true, loyal, loving friend. We couldn't have asked for better.

The Origins of Betty Crocker

Have you ever wondered who Betty Crocker, a well known name in kitchens across the nation, really is? Have you noticed her portrait has changed over the years? If so, you may find today's post on "Life And Living" very interesting!

Betty Crocker was created in the year 1921 by the Washburn Crosby Company of Minneapolis after a promotion for Gold Medal Flour, when they began receiving thousands of questions regarding baking during the late 1910's and early 1920's. Washburn and Crosby was one of the six big milling companies that merged into General Mills in 1928.

The managers thought a person's name would seem more intimate and friendly, so they created a fictitious person to answer customers questions in a more personal fashion. They combined the last name of a retired company executive, William Crocker, with a first name, Betty, they regarded as warm and friendly. A contest was held among the female employees, and the winner provided the official Betty Crocker signature. That signature is used to this day.

In 1924, Betty Crocker took to the radio, first on a local Minneapolis station, then was featured later on the national radio network, NBC. It was the nation's first cooking show and thirteen different actresses filled the role. "The Betty Crocker Cooking School of the Air" ran for 24 years.

In 1936 artist, Neysa McMein, blended features of all the women working in the Home Service Department, and made an official likeness to represent Betty Crocker. The portrait helped reinforce the belief that Betty Crocker was a real woman, garnering her the distinction of being the second most famous woman in America after Eleanor Roosevelt in a public opinion poll.

Betty made numerous guest appearances on the television broadcasting networks, CBS, and NBC, then had her own show, "The Betty Crocker Search for the All-American Homemaker of Tomorrow" which featured many actresses playing her part. It ran from 1954 to 1976.

During the years of national broadcasts, Betty Crocker Cookbooks were being written and since the 1950's more than 200 of them have been published. Over the span of 75 years, Betty Crocker's face has changed eight times, becoming younger in 1955, gaining a more professional appearance in 1980, and in 1996 she was given a darker, more mulit-cultural look.

To this day, the name Betty Crocker is a popular personification of fine home cooking, and Betty Crocker Cookbooks are commonly found in homes and stores across the nation.